You're such a fuck up, she said

She told me that i have not laughed in a week. Since i was drunk. That would mean almost 168 hours without laughter. I think that's an overstatement.
She's losing me she tells me. She doesn't understand that i'm losing myself. She doesn't understand that she's not the victim.
What's wrong with me? I am dependent on a prescription drug to keep me functional. To keep me likable. To keep me where i can stand myself. That's what's wrong with me. And that is a big deal. She's losing me because i forget to take these pills. And then i act like i did before she knew i was alive. She wouldn't have liked me back then. It's been a long time since i've been sad. At least then i did soemthing with it. I can hear her talking now. Laughing with her family. I'm not laughing. How can i. This is put on me. It's all me.
I had a good day today. I was happy today. I'm not a man who emotes very well. I never have been. I don't know what i have to do to prove that i am happy. I'm much happier not having to prove it. You know, i know i lauhed today. I saw a kid throw up on himself at the fair. That's pretty damn funny. I laughed at that.
I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of the way i look, the way i talk,
and the way i don't care.
I hate the way it's so hard for me to write now.

But I don't hate this photo: