Drive this and you're an ass

Be a douche bag and help destroy the earth, but at least you compensated for your tiny penis.

What goods a blog no one reads

Such a strange phenomenon this blogging thing is.
This particular blog is my second one. Like, the only other one i've done in my life. My first one was under the name solid_jackson and made a span of a few years. Eventually everything that was written was so old that i could even relate to myself any more. It's kind of strange. I used to be such a writer when i didn't really have anything to write about. I just wrote the same things that the collective of all young teenagers would write, but it meant so much to me. Now i rarely write anything. Now i write here, where i don't have any one to read. So what's the point. Why don't i just write in a journal. Maybe it's the idea that there could be someone who reads. There might be people lurking around and accidentally finding me. But i kind of doubt it. I don't make any effort to be found. I'm not even sure if i really want to be found. And i know that if i do i only want to be found by strangers. This is only my second entry and it's already rambling and stupid and subconsciously dying for attention. How terrible.
There are better things to do in a day.

I want to be a writer again. I want to write and play songs. But i've just never been good at putting the two together. But then again, i don't think i've really tried. I just wanted it to come to me.

It's late and im supposed to be sleeping.

I can't sleep without her.
Something feels like it's missing. I don't know what but i can only wonder if it's the lack of companionship with males. I don't have any male bonding really. My lack of a father sort of fucked me over in the aspect of making guy friends somehow i think. I just feel awkward. But i don't know, it's just a guess.
God must really like me. He directs of lot of personal messages to me. He spoke to me at church tonight. Tried to teach me how what i don't know.
I just put a bobby pin in my mouth. It had no taste but made me think of childhood days in my grandmother's beauty salon- everything had the stink and bitter taste of hairspray, the chairs caked think in sticky not-so-clear-coats of it. I can't believe she doesn't have asthma by now from all those old women and their giant stiff curls piled on top of their heads.
I miss things from my childhood. I miss friends from middle school and moments from past lives. I'm very happy where i am now, but fond memories wish to have me back.
I miss my great grandmother.
I miss Chris and staying up all night watching movies and playing video games without the cares i have now.
I miss Josh too, and Charlotte.
I'm still scared of being an adult. And that's pathetic.
I'm actually really very happy where i am in life right now. If it wasn't for constant worry of money life would be close to perfect.
I need to check my checking account status.

I heard a song tonight that told me "maybe...good deeds won't save us, just true faith in Jesus".