It's late and im supposed to be sleeping.

I can't sleep without her.
Something feels like it's missing. I don't know what but i can only wonder if it's the lack of companionship with males. I don't have any male bonding really. My lack of a father sort of fucked me over in the aspect of making guy friends somehow i think. I just feel awkward. But i don't know, it's just a guess.
God must really like me. He directs of lot of personal messages to me. He spoke to me at church tonight. Tried to teach me how what i don't know.
I just put a bobby pin in my mouth. It had no taste but made me think of childhood days in my grandmother's beauty salon- everything had the stink and bitter taste of hairspray, the chairs caked think in sticky not-so-clear-coats of it. I can't believe she doesn't have asthma by now from all those old women and their giant stiff curls piled on top of their heads.
I miss things from my childhood. I miss friends from middle school and moments from past lives. I'm very happy where i am now, but fond memories wish to have me back.
I miss my great grandmother.
I miss Chris and staying up all night watching movies and playing video games without the cares i have now.
I miss Josh too, and Charlotte.
I'm still scared of being an adult. And that's pathetic.
I'm actually really very happy where i am in life right now. If it wasn't for constant worry of money life would be close to perfect.
I need to check my checking account status.

I heard a song tonight that told me "maybe...good deeds won't save us, just true faith in Jesus".